Category Archives: Pain

St. Francis, I Loveth Thee, But…

Lord, I pray that you will make me an instrument of your peace

even though Jesus said sometimes there would not be peace, but a sword.

 

I’d like to sow love

but my fear drives me to defend against what you hate.

 

If I could pardon, I would, and be pardoned;

But after I died, I might not still know

how to get along with others.

 

I’d love for you to give me faith in place of doubt,

as doubt has been the mechanism of fear

which has been the driving force for me to try to be good

so that I won’t be consigned to eternal torture.

 

If you could replace my despair with hope,

I would still know that

for everyone,

life is being prophetically preached as getting much worse

in a literal way

before it gets better.

 

If your light could be shined into the darkness,

there is not a better time than the always now.

 

And I feel I cannot change

a part of my being that you put into place

which is so much a part of your empathy for those who are not special;

You’ve given me the Spirit of Sadness that supersedes the joy in the feeling

of getting mine.

 

For I do not want to be consoled out of caring for the unimportant,

the ones who can’t call themselves a man-made label,

but who possibly know your Spirit anyway.

For there is no ego in Christ,

and His generosity of heart does not require puffing up,

only Love.

 

I will not be understood. I mirror you in that.

 

I will not say flowery words that preach to the choir

to receive the seal of approval from the many.

 

I will give to whom I give, without speaking of it.

 

I will ask you to pardon me when I complain because dying hurts,

or I can’t understand others.

Help me to make you happy and to bring joy

in the uniquely peculiar way you have bestowed on me;

I ask you to help me forgive myself and others

when we enjoy our false feelings of competition

as if in some race to be the best over being loving.

 

If I have trouble loving rightly,

help me to see what love there is in me and you together.

 

If each person knew the joy of existing in love

they would never leave it.

Therefore, since the potential and seed-planted desire of all your creation

is to intrinsically experience the high of love,

help me to see all my brothers and sisters

as operating in only the highest degree of love

that they can in this moment

even if it is mainly out of self-preservation.

From this perspective, most are operating

from the highest level capable

in the cumulative consciousness.

 

Help me to be part of a shift that helps the collective move forward.

 

Help me to have empathy for those

who are seemingly tethered to the generalized quality of this mirage,

and for the areas of my life

where I am blind to it myself.

 

Help me to care for the collective wholeness, even as I know

I have to account for my individual self.

Correcting in self

Loving toward others

May it be so.

Never Again

I poured out my heart

to the wall

and laughed with false jovial glee

at my own nervousness,

disclaiming my pain

in my aim to please;

The magnifying glass

test tubes and beakers

all bubbled and broke with questions

as my pain was dissected,

(with smoked salmon on the side)

A beige blandness

shining as bright as the white of your eyes

covered me with your ashes;

never again

Somewhere in the Middle

Somewhere in the middle

between right and wrong

lies a heart that is broken

and the words to a song

where misfits

like me

provide jocular glee

and acknowledgement is based

on where one can pee

 

Where memes glorify

they make fun of your pain

where tongue in cheek humor

makes you wince in disdain

When people are dying

and what misery, from whence

One can say it’s their own fault

’cause they’ve got no good sense

One forgets that one ever

felt forgotten and small

 

and instead of being a door to God

they’re the wall

 

 

When the World’s Upside Down

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Where do you go

when the world’s upside down

when your very best friends

look upon you and frown

Who do you seek

when the going gets blue

who can you trust

who will always be true

Jesus is Who

He’s the one that makes new

He’ll never desert you

Sitting righteous in pew

He’ll always love hue

though your virtues are few

He’ll be your glory

when your shine becomes goo

He’ll battle old Saul

for the right for your soul

It’s Jesus who loves you

so roll, baby, roll.

Title Match

Have you taken your seat

at the back of the bus

Did anyone say

that you don’t matter much

Did you picture their word

Did it run over you

Did somebody’s judgement leave you black and blue?

Did they fill your head with dreams

Then they told you a lie

Did they say “Follow me to the Sweet By and By”

Did you turn away from God to follow someone else’s pride

Just to be loved