Category Archives: children

Loving Paige


Loving Paige is easy
What’s difficult is how
I feel when old thought habits
Beg me to disavow

Loving Paige is easy
She’s responsible and kind
She’s far outpaced her former self
Who suffered from behind

I want to be that pillar
The strength that gives support
But Paige is miles ahead of me
Quite the resourceful sort

Loving Paige is easy
Its the mirror I avoid
But knowing her is leaving me
Feeling overjoyed.

This Christmas

This Christmas

I would like good relationships

with extended family members…

Oh, right, I have that.

How about some goals and plans and new hobbies?

Hey, I’m dancing, blogging, painting, singing…

Yah, I’m good there.

How about rewarding work?

Um, yes, I’m teaching music; I love that; I love kids.

It would be nice to have a lot of friends

from different walks of life,

friendly relationships,

men and women;


Well, there are still those Debbie-Downer moments…

but I also have the mp3’s my son downloaded

on my phone so that I could jam while I drive

or the laughs I share

with another son

on the way to his school

or the music


and synchronicity I enjoy

with my OTHER son.

So if my husband and I could just

connect and understand each other a little more…

if we could just spend some time


in different situations

living life

and getting together

while we immensely enjoy

getting to know each other

over and over again…


I have that too.

There’s very few things that I don’t have

so few

that even if something could be missing

it’s just not! ūüôā

Artificial, Perfect Children

My son recently got the part of Buonragazzo in a local production of Disney’s “My Son Pinocchio”. ¬†It’s a great part, and he is very funny in it. He plays a brilliant scientist who creates artificial children who never do anything wrong. These children beg to take the trash out at their friend’s houses, and insist that their friends choose the games that they will play. They are the model of the fruit of the spirit, a kind of a pre-snake version of Adam and Eve.

This reminds me of a time in my own life when I was raising my oldest son. He was dealing with some difficult challenges, and I thought that at least some of the problems we ¬†were all going through were due to the Public School system. Indeed, there were some aspects of it that didn’t meet his needs. As a result, we decided to home school him from 7th grade on.

Things at home would be as great as I possibly could make them. The house would be clean all the time, I would spend a lot of individual time with him going through his studies; what I didn’t know, we would find out together. I can honestly say that for a time it was very much like that.

I realize now though, that some of the families that I gravitated toward ¬†seemed pretty perfect to me, or I thought it seemed that perfection was expected. Everything was on a much higher level; my thoughts were that people in those families might be really creating perfect children. ¬†In a sense, I thought that I should mold my children into my idea of perfection. I’m afraid I was one of those people.

In the musical, Gepetto seeks for control, perfection, and appearances. He wants good reputation above real life. He desires that Pinocchio be¬†a glorified version of himself, and for Pinocchio to act, do, and become an idealized version of the perfect child. As we know, that doesn’t work out so well. Pinocchio rebels, makes a donkey of himself, and Gepetto comes to the realization that he is as imperfect as all the parents that he judged to be unworthy of parenthood. He arrives at an understanding of his own faults and failings. It is only then that Pinocchio and Gepetto build a relationship worthy of true father and sonship.

Although my home-schooling days are all but over, I’ve learned a great deal. There are no perfect children. There are no perfect parents. Realistically, there are no perfect educational choices. Each person is an individual. Children, if they are lucky, will eventually be who they are. Love is beyond the boundaries of expectations.

The Will of God, part 2

“it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.” ¬†Matthew 18:14

Is our will stronger than the will of God? ¬†A friend and I were discussing this. ¬†If our will could not, at times, feel as if though superseded God’s will, then would there be any such thing as free will?

God does not intend pain for us. ¬†“The intentional will of God means the way in which God pours himself out in goodness, such as the true father longs to do for his son.” ¬†In¬†The Will of God, Weatherhead expounds on the intentional will of God, verses the circumstantial will. ¬†“We simply must break with the idea that everything that happens is the will of God in the sense of being his intention. ¬†It is¬†within the will of God, if you must use the phrase, in circumstances we have hinted at already. ¬†But we must come to terms with the idea that the intentional will of God can be defeated by the will of man¬†for the time being. If this were not true, then man would have no real freedom at all. ¬†All evil that is temporarily successful temporarily defeats God.”

Can God be, even temporarily, defeated? ¬†I think the difficulty lies in semantics, in the struggle to define the experience, because for many, it is a given that God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent — how do your thwart that kind of a presence? ¬†Because we are in an imperfect realm, our lives are somewhat like a film strip, with frames pieced together into a seeming continuity that can best be described as our mind’s and our brain’s way of perceiving what is. From that perspective, the imperfect describes the imperfect pretty perfectly.

“Come with me to some slum home in the dark back streets of a huge city, where men’s lives and services are means to other men’s ends, where there is disease of body and distortion of mind, where evil festers and grows in sordid and terrible conditions, where men have not even the spirit to rebel, but accept their lot with a listless apathy that is more terrible than a revolution. And if you say concerning those stunted lives, ‘This is the will of God,’ I say to you that there is a greater blasphemy than the denial of the Holy Trinity.”

Weatherhead states a few pages later, “Evil is never creative of good, though the circumstances of evil have often been an occasion for the expression of good… If we say that the suffering caused by evil is essential because of the qualities evoked, then logically we must assume that God needs evil to produce good: that he could not produce such a thing as courage unless an evil like war demanded it…Will all the qualities which evil reveals atrophy into nothing because there is no evil to evoke them? I repeat that evil does not¬†make good qualities. ¬†It reveals them and gives them exercise, but there is always the possibility – and surely this is God’s intention – that those same qualities may be revealed and exercised and manifested as a response to goodness.”

What a beautiful book of my father’s… What clear writing and thoughtful communication! There’s no better time than the present to feel ourselves enveloped safely in the loving Will of God.