Category Archives: patience

No Thank You, Buddy Love

Today I needed something to make me laugh, so my youngest son and I watched “The Nutty Professor” starring Eddie Murphy. I had seen it years ago, but my son hadn’t, so we sat and watched it together.

I remembered the character of Sherman Klump, the overweight professor, as being a really sweet person. He carried around this extra weight that made people treat him differently. Even though he was predisposed to having a difficult time with weight, everyone judged him based on it. He became desperate enough to take an untested potion to try to become what people would judge to be a better person.

It reminded me of people in my life who are important to me, who get judged every day for being who they are. Maybe some of these people tried to be like Buddy Love and to fit into social norms better. Buddy Love wasn’t who they were, but it was what everyone expected and liked better. One could even say that Buddy Love was less of a sinner in the public eye because he didn’t seem to show signs of overeating or what the Bible calls gluttony. But Sherman knew he wasn’t Buddy, and Buddy wasn’t really a very nice or happy person.

I hope to convey the idea of thinking twice before judging people based on how they appear outwardly, rather than who they truly are on the inside. Sherman had lots of gifts to give, gifts of thoughtfulness and kindness. I see those gifts in the Shermans that I know, those loved ones who are struggling not only with weight issues, but depression, or negative social reactions to those who are transgender or of a different sexual orientation. While society still may prefer something closer to Buddy Love, my love is for the Shermans of this world. I’m loving them for who they are and into whatever wholeness they can have with how they need to be, in order to be themselves.

 

Changing the Dream

Last night I had a dream

but it wasn’t MLK’s kind

instead it was of a brother and I

so estranged

and I’m sitting beside him

telling him about my grandson and his violin bow

and he suddenly asks, “Who are you talking to?”

I read it as being

his dismissal of me

and by the end of the story

playing out in my mind

I am sitting beside him

on the floor, up to his knees

small, sad, mistaken

that he would ever want to know

anything from me

about our one true connection

– music

 

I played it back in my mind, today

and when he asked me,

“Who are you talking to?”

I didn’t flinch.

I looked him right in his eyes and told him,

“I’m talking to the Light of the World

that resides in you,

that resides in all you’ve turned against in my family

I’m talking to God

and I’m trusting in Him,

that He’s talking to you.”

A New Heart

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For those of you who check on how I am doing based on my poetry, etc….

Since last Wednesday, I have been experiencing a wonderful healing in my life. Over the weekend, some of my most pervasive fears were put to rest. I found out people love me for me, not for whether my family is society’s idea of perfect, whether I have problems, or whether I handle everything the way someone thinks it should be. I don’t know what the future holds, or if those things will change. But one thing I do know is this: When I love God with all my heart and allow the Almighty to love me back in the same way, my awareness of that love is with me always. The bitterness in me is dying, and the desire to want to love everyone in the most platonic but rich way is being born in me. This is the born-again moment, moment by moment in my life. This is how I know that it is not the experiences of my life that matter, but how I meet them, and with what part of myself I give service to them.

 

I am grateful for those who agree with me, for those who disagree with me, and for everyone whose lives (thank God) are too busy to be concerned about my rights or wrongs. That the big wheel keeps turning is assured, as too is the comfort in knowing that God holds me gently in the palm of His hand.

25 Things to Be Grateful For

Lokai notepad love
1. My daughter made a wonderful dinner.
2. My son helped with clean-up.
3. They took out the trashes.
4. My husband and the kids picked up stuff at the store.
5. I can lovingly give myself all the time I need to heal. I am a slave to no one in that regard.
6. The sun is shining.
7. I talked to a good friend today.
8. My cold/allergy symptoms are improving.
9. I did some creative work with colors and writings that helped me express my emotions and thoughts.
10. I see a light by which if I am able to lay a foundation for myself in what God is giving me, I will have a more peace-filled, spiritually authentic way of living, thinking, processing, being, and doing.
11. I see how some of the things I long to do in service may come out of the richness of this foundation and be done, not as avoidance of the issues in my life, but as fulfillment of a love because I am moving into the strength of peace already.
12. Even at my weakest states I can choose the things of life and living.
13. I have food in my house. I can shop online and pick up other necessities.
14. I can take every thought captive, even the ones that I have gotten used to thinking of as being helpful — the “pre-planner and fixer thoughts,” and place them lovingly behind the doors of God’s workings.
15. I can recognize at an earlier point when these types of thoughts are coming my way, and can start the process earlier.
16. I see this as a process of healthy detachment practice that I can experience with real-life situations without being unkind or uncaring.
17. I have lovely bracelet and necklace reminders from one of my beautiful friends that reminds me of her deep love and care for me.
18. I get to do what I love, which is to share music.
19. I get to be paid for the gift of this wonderful, Universal love-language sharing.
20. I can and do forgive myself for not having worked through my frustrations with others sooner.
21. Even as I forgive myself, I try to work toward a more all-encompassing way of loving.
22. I am thankful for the nice breeze coming in through the front door.
23. I am grateful for the sounds of the wood-chime and the distant train whistle.
24. I’m happy about the way I felt so sleepy after dinner and was able to nap.
25. Thank you, God, for pen and plenty of paper.

When the World’s Upside Down

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Where do you go

when the world’s upside down

when your very best friends

look upon you and frown

Who do you seek

when the going gets blue

who can you trust

who will always be true

Jesus is Who

He’s the one that makes new

He’ll never desert you

Sitting righteous in pew

He’ll always love hue

though your virtues are few

He’ll be your glory

when your shine becomes goo

He’ll battle old Saul

for the right for your soul

It’s Jesus who loves you

so roll, baby, roll.